Does this even need a title?

Last night was pretty crazy. First, I drive over to get Sonia and Andrea so that they can go to this one party along with me. This proves to be very difficult as Sonia apparently lives in one of St. Paul’s many alleys. However, I accomplish the task, because I am unstoppable. Then, I go over to get Matt. Sonia brags that she won $50 worth of vibrators and shows me one. Jesus Christ. I don’t need to see your used vibrators, woman. We go to the party.

Sam, Pat, and Phil immediately accost me for Absinthe. Since I support getting drunk of all kinds, I happily oblige. Pat says that it is disgusting and that he can’t drink it. I agree – I really don’t like the taste of black licorice. However, Phil and Sam really like it. Phil comments that the Absinthe made him “really drunk,” which doesn’t really surprise me because it is 140 proof.

There is beer pong at this party. Matt gets ridiculously drunk on the beer from the beer pong. In fact, Pat, Phil, and Matt are all extremely drunk, male, and hence, violent. Matt finds a wooden ruler somewhere and starts whipping people with it. It gets taken away from him and he gets whipped with it for a while. Then, Pat expresses desire to be whipped in the scrotum and his nipples, which Phil obliges. Matt walks up to a girl and tells her to punch him, so she does. He brags that he can’t feel a thing. Then, Sam comes up to him and punches him. Apparently this really hurt Matt because he falls on the floor and starts crying. People are starting to leave, so I decide to drive Matt, Sonia, and Andrea home and then go to Perkins with Phil and Pat.

Having wrestled myself out of that sticky situation, I went to Perkins with Pat and Phil. Perkins was hilarious. First, while we were sitting there, three extremely ugly girls come in. I mean, if you took individual features from them, you might have created a good looking woman but if not, it was a failed cause. Pat wants to go hit on them and get one of girl’s (the one with the pretty face but the ugly body) number. We manage to dissuade him from the idea.
Then comes the funniest part of the night. When we order, Phil orders an omelet and tells the server to cook his eggs over easy! Pat made fun for him for at least the next half hour.