Last night's party

Great party. Drinks cost money, which I do not support because alcohol should be free, like the air. Speaking of which, why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

Tom and I arrived at the party last night and encountered the usual suspects. Jesse's house was nice. He also had a handle of vodka, rum, and two cases of beer, which was nice. And he had been thoughtful enough to purchase lots of snacks, which was just awesome. Finally, he had purchased plastic tubing and a funnel from Menards (saving big money in the process) and created a very effective beer bong. Many beers were bonged by many people (your humble author not included - I hate the taste of cheap beer), including Phil, David, and Jesse.

I started off with a rum and coke, but that didn't last very long. One someone's initiative, we started to drunk dial people. For some reason, Matt carries around a page of phone numbers, and when he gets drunk he frequently calls people on the list to tell them to come over. David is also incredibly drunk. I go into the living room where I encounter a nice kitty. Little do I know, however, that this is really the sluttiest cat in the world. I pet the cat. However, after a little while, the cat starts getting a little too into the petting so I leave it alone. Then Phil comes into the living room, and the cat starts acting really slutty to both me and him. Have you ever seen the South Park episode where Cartman's cat goes sex-crazy and goes out and... offers herself to everything? Well, this is what Jesse's cat was doing to us. The odd thing, it was neutered. It was really disturbing.

Matt says that he bought some really shitty cigars, so we smoked them. They were really shitty, but tasted kind of sweet, which was cool. It also turns out that Caitlin smoked her first cigar. At some point, Phil and David decide to race down the block. After about ten feet, David's shorts fall off and he collapses in some people's yard. However, for some reason Phil runs the whole block. When we go back inside, David is ridiculously drunk. So drunk, in fact, that after hitting on lots of girls, he passed out on the couch. He is also shirtless. I've never seen a better opportunity to write on someone with marker. Matt and I proceed to make David beautiful by coloring him, while he encourages us to continue. At least, I think that's what the groans meant. In about an hour, David gets up and stumbles off to the bathroom. However, he doesn't quite make it, and throws up on Jesse's floor.

People started leaving, and so I drove Phil, Tom, and myself home.