Diet Coke killed my father and raped my mother

Last week, I decided to switch over to Diet Coke instead of regular Coke. I think it’s healthier and switching gives me an excuse to drink more delicious soda, since it has no caloric content. Diet Coke has become my master and I am the slave. It is my constant companion and comfort drink. I crave seeing the bottom of a can so that I can run and open another one. I’ll have to exercise my understanding of the Hegelian master-slave dialectic in order to beat it. Don’t pray for me, people – I can conquer this demon in an aluminum shell.

I got an interview at a major investment bank today. I can’t possibly describe my excitement and nervousness. It’ll be on Monday – so basically, I have to go into super interview prep mode, learn a lot about the company, and do well during the interview. I had a practice interview over the weekend and the only complaint against me the interviewer had was that I am I very monotone speaker. It’s not my fault! I think I am monotone in English because it is my second language. I guess I’ll have to fake excitement to get some energy into the interview.