Bacardi 151

The name makes shivers run down my spine. Allow me to recount my one and only encounter with Bacardi 151.

Jared: Serge, want a shot of Bacardi 151?
Serge: Sure!

I drank it and it took maybe a second for the effects to set in. First I noticed that my mouth was burning. Then I noticed that my esophagus was burning. The burning feeling then traveled into my stomach. I wanted to throw up but knew that I wasn't drunk enough to actually need it. I curled up into a ball in the corner of the kitchen and lay immobile for ten minutes until the burning went away. My RH stuck his head in to see what the moaning was about, but upon finding that it was me, ignored it.

Phil's parents are leaving tomorrow and he asked me to buy a bottle of Bacardi 151. Monday and Tuesday are going to be fun.

It's sort of like loose change

So I’m driving along, and I reach behind my seat, and there’s a handle of rum there. Amazing how that happens.

Last night was a pretty good time. We watched Sideways, which seemed really short. It’s a good movie, but I wouldn’t call it phenomenal. I also watched War of the Worlds, and I didn’t like it very much either. So maybe the night wasn't so good.

A different way of looking at things

I can also suggest: Stuck? Try WD-40. The jokes you can make are simply endless.

What can I say?

It seems the man is serious about his cheesecake.

You should never have concrete life goals

Otherwise, once you complete them, what else is there to do?

Trying to pick out a movie at Blockbuster with more than two people is close to impossible. We went there as a group of four. We finally compromised by each choosing a movie and the others ranking it on a scale of 1-4, where each number could only be used once. We ended up watching Alfie – a horrible movie. We’ll have to come up with a better system.

I’m not quite sure when this happened…

…since I was ridiculously fucked up. I think it was a little over a week ago.

My memory starts off when Pat, Phil, Matt, Tom, Jesse and I went to drink on the Highland Park Golf Course. We just walked out onto the golf course and started drinking. Jesse, who works there, was worried that we might get busted by security and that he would get fired, not to mention arrested. After we drink, Pat comments about how nice it is to scratch one’s scrotum in the breeze. Matt tries this out, except he leaves his pants down and acts belligerently when we suggest that it would be better if he pulled them back up. While Matt is staggering nakedly around the golf course, I notice a pair of headlights heading towards us and start sprinting back to the car. The others notice me running and also start running towards the car. We have an impromptu (but very rapid) debate about where we should go and we decide to go to Perkins.

Perkins is a pretty weird place to go at night. First of all, it’s full of stoners. Second, it’s staffed by a guy who looks like he was a former wrestler. We come in, wait for a while for someone to seat us, and when it becomes obvious that nobody is coming we seat ourselves. Five minutes later, the beefy guy comes out and gruffly tells us that we should have waited for him to seat us. We get menus and order. After ordering, I pass out on the table. I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the night before (five hours). In about fifteen minutes, the food comes and I eat it because it looks delicious. It is. However, I then fall back to sleep. I vaguely remember Phil poking me in an attempt to wake me up but it didn’t work. As I found out later, Jesse was also not feeling very well and threw up in the Perkins bathroom.

We stay at Perkins for an hour and then leave (I was asleep all of the time, so I didn’t know how long it had been until someone told me). By this time, I have absolutely no clue as to what is going on. Apparently the others decide that it’s time to go home, so they go to drop off Phil and I follow them in my car, thinking that we’re just going to our next destination. When they come to Phil’s house and just drop him off, I become really confused. However, I think that I eventually sorted out that the night was over because I somehow drove home and passed out on my bed.

Yellow signs

You know those signs that signify children crossing or show merging lanes? I saw one today that said "Church." Was it a reminder to go to church? Perhaps a notice that churches frequently scurry across the road and that I should look out for them?

What exactly do Indians (from India) drink (alcohol-wise)? This question was posed by my friend Tom. I stated that they must drink something, as seen by all the… consensual procreation. Perhaps we’ll never know.

The Shining is a freaky movie

Not scary, because there wasn’t anything particularly scary about it, but extremely freaky. What’s the difference, you say? Scary makes you jump up in your seat. Freaky makes you comment on how disgusting something is or wonder about what the fuck is going on. Good movie, but freaky.

Harry Potter

I spent yesterday reading the new Harry Potter book. That’s right – eight hours, 1 to 9, a solid 652 pages. I must say it is phenomenal. The ending was both slightly predictable and incredibly unpredictable at the same time. I can’t wait for Harry to kick Voldemort’s ass in the next book. It seems like he didn’t do enough ass kicking in this one.

At its core, the book addresses the issue of Good versus Evil. What Evil desires most is immortality and fearlessness. However, those come at a price, which Good understandably objects to. Good desires a world without Evil, because being good is its own reward. While Evil is afraid of the unknown, Good has fear but does not seek to stop fate.

Good seems like sort of a pussy. If you fear something, you should try and do something about it. Harry Potter is just a freakin' hippie.

Strange comparisons

Yesterday, my step mom compared by friend Tom to Winnie the Pooh.
“That’s interesting,” I said, “I don’t remember Winnie the Pooh bonging beers in the hundred acre woods.”
“Winnie the Pooh likes honey, and Tom likes alcohol,” my step-mom wisely reasoned.
“Well,” I responded with a smile, “If Tom is Winnie the Pooh, who am I?”
“You’re Piglet.”
Piglet! I haven’t left my room since.

Chillin’ with the bears

I’m going to visit Yellowstone National Park in late August. I find this super exciting.

I think that giving references for a job is slightly ridiculous. The employer doesn’t know if the references are people you’ve worked for or just people that are your friends and will pretend that you’ve worked for them. I think that the only reliable thing in a job application is the interview, because it’s hard(er) to fake yourself.

I saw a friend at a grocery store yesterday. She said that she was being held hostage by terrorists, but I just laughed it off. Then she burst into tears.

I had a brilliant thought yesterday.

But I can’t remember it anymore. Be happy.

Have you fallen in love?

French words run together so much better than English or Russian words. It’s music for the ears.

I haven’t written a poem in a while. I think it’s because I haven’t fallen in love. Poetry takes great emotion, which I simply haven’t felt in the last few months. I’m sure when fall comes I’ll have plenty of opportunities. In the meanwhile, I’ll enjoy my inebriation.

Today, I went to a hotel to apply for a job. Apparently there’s a time when they stop taking applications, and that time is 1:00 pm. Don’t ask me how they come up with this crap.

Wedding Crashers is funny

If you like perfect stereotypical characters, go see it. It's brilliantly done.

Ever have those days where you wake up and realize that life is just way too confusing? Today was one of those days. I woke up, the sun was shining right into my eyes, and I just wanted to go back to sleep. It felt like there was too much blood in my head or something.

Some people call them “terrorists”

But really, they’re machines of death, bent on destroying first world nations. We spend billions of dollars on homeland security when someone could simply drop toxins into the water supply or drive a truck full of explosives into a mall or sports game. It seems like there are more vulnerabilities to terrorists than there are actual terrorists. Current security measures address past attack strategies, which terrorists are unlikely to re-use.

As I see it, there is only one solution to completely eliminating the threat of terrorist attacks: close off our borders, eliminating travel and immigration. The only terrorists left would be the sleeper terrorists already in the US, and those are probably limited. Besides, foreign countries are overrated.

Nothing's happening

Except for these freako dragonflies. Perhaps they wanted to get some fresh coffee at Super America.

I lied

I fell asleep at 2 am because I was so tired from having only a few hours of sleep the night before. However, I think it was probably a good idea since Matt, Phil, and Tom had just started watching Monty Python's Meaning of Life. And you know what they say about Monty Python.

Last night's party was amusing. There was one girl, Caitlin. I wonder what she thought of everything what was going on. She didn't drink or anything so I'm sure it was a relatively odd experience for her. But really, who cares.

Affiliated with yesterday's post

At one point during the party on Saturday, while we were still at Tom's house, Pat makes the following comment: "It's so cool that there are tons of made-up names. Like ‘Latino.’ Oh shit, that's a word!" I kid you not.

Last night was pretty good. We watched When Harry Met Sally and listened to Nine Inch Nails, although not at the same time. Both were quite excellent. Today is Matt's twentieth birthday, which will be celebrated later tonight. Tomorrow, I'll tell you how many drinks he drinks before he passes out.

Living in a dream

The night started with a trip to Wendy's. Wendy's is pretty sweet, except that it should require a dress code for customers. If you are so fat that fat rolls are hanging off of your fat body, you are required to cover them with clothes. Please.

After that, Tom and I went to my step mom's art gallery opening, which was pretty sweet. It was full of a bunch of really crappy art (it was a group show), interspersed with a few pieces of quite good art. Tom asked what the abstract symbols in my step mom's paintings mean, but I couldn't tell him. I mean, what the fuck is the symbolic meaning of an orange?

We go over to Tom's and lounge around. A serious advantage of Tom's house is that he has a lot of soft furniture, something that my apartment definitely lacks. A disadvantage? Mosquitoes.

After hanging out at Tom's for an hour or two, our group (Tom, Phil, Pat, Charlie, and me) decides to head over to a much larger party. I am always amazed how segregated large parties are from strangers. Basically everyone there was from Central (my high school); either still attending or an alum. It was definitely slightly eerie to be at a party with high school girls. Pat and Charlie quickly tire of the party and say that they want to go pick up chicks. While this would normally be a really appealing endeavor, I simply want to chill. In the meanwhile, Tom and Phil simply disappear from the party.

Pat and Charlie abandon us, leaving the party. I call Phil and it turns out that he, Tom, and some other dude had gone over to play on the playground. Gay as that may sound, I'm sure that they had their reasons. We go back to the party to find Pat and Charlie, which didn't work out too well since they had already left. We follow their example and go back to Tom's house.

TV watching time. Tom doesn't have cable but we still manage to find a worthwhile program to watch - Elimidate. I find it amusing that people make fools of themselves on national TV. Tom leaves at around two, claiming that he is really tired, while Phil and I stay and keep watching.

The next thing I know, the TV is off and it's morning. Phil is nowhere to be seen. The sun is, for lack of a better set of words, really fucking bright. I drive home.

On (ph)at people

When they do crazy things, people laugh. Not with them, at them. What an interesting phenomenon.

If you haven't seen it, this is also exemplified in the Star Wars kid. More exciting commentary tomorrow, although probably not on the same subject.

A safe bet to make

If IQ wasn't hereditary, there would be a lot less stupid people around.

Sahara is the best worst movie ever. It's full of stereotypical characters doing their little stereotypical actions, and I love it.

Tom's parents have finally left, and he is having a party tomorrow. And it'll be Friday. There will be much cause for celebration.

The WOW stories: Sonia's house

We came, we saw, we drank. Matt commented that being called "average" was an insult with multiple layers. I praised his logic by sarcastically calling him a genius. I don't think he got it.

Ariel, a girl from my high school, stated that she didn't like being drunk because she wanted to feel in control of herself. Personally, I've never felt that I wasn't in control of what I was doing when I'm drunk. Sure, I might not remember doing some of the things I do or I might regret doing them in the morning, but I don't think I ever lose control of what I do. Anyway, I was interested about her thoughts on weed. She said that she didn't want to try it because she "didn't want to support tyrannical governments." I said that that was a good reason, which is what you say to hot chicks. But to myself, I thought that it was a horrible reason. If you don't want to smoke pot, don't smoke pot. But there's no need to justify it with bullshit reasons.

We got hungry (we always get hungry), so we went to McDonald’s. Our trip to McDonald’s was pretty sweet. First we went to Wendy’s, where we were politely informed that they were closed and that we should come back at ten tomorrow. However, the possibility of future feeding was not enough to end our hunger. Finding ourselves at McDonald’s, I proceeded to order food, which was very difficult because I did not know what I wanted to eat. The cashier kept telling me to hurry up because a line had formed behind me, but I had no idea what I wanted. The problem was also aided by the fact that people who were at the party also wanted McDonald’s food but couldn't decide what to get, either.

At the drive in window, the McDonald’s worker advised us to "catch up to them hoes" ahead of us because "they be some fine ass bitches." I just can't make this shit up. However, we were not in a position to do so because the fine ass bitches had already driven off. Next time!

In all of the excitement, Phil lost his wallet. This reminds me of my roommate Bryant, who lost his wallet not once but twice during the school year. Losing a wallet sucks. Even so, it would suck for many people less than it would suck for my friend David, who carries around his Social Security card in his wallet. There's simply no language to explain how bad an idea that is. Folks, leave your Social Security card at home, where robbers can take it. They're much more deserving than pickpockets.

Party!

Sonia has redeemed herself for canceling her party yesterday (due to parent issues) by having a party today! I support parties of all kinds.

My friend Tom is the best person that I have ever seen at encouraging drinking and drunk behavior. If someone is bonging beers, he will hold the bong and pour in the beer. If someone has a really stupid idea, he will encourage it as much as possible. If someone at the party is sad about something, Tom will vilify that something, whatever it is. He's like a drunken magnifying glass.

Last night's party

Great party. Drinks cost money, which I do not support because alcohol should be free, like the air. Speaking of which, why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

Tom and I arrived at the party last night and encountered the usual suspects. Jesse's house was nice. He also had a handle of vodka, rum, and two cases of beer, which was nice. And he had been thoughtful enough to purchase lots of snacks, which was just awesome. Finally, he had purchased plastic tubing and a funnel from Menards (saving big money in the process) and created a very effective beer bong. Many beers were bonged by many people (your humble author not included - I hate the taste of cheap beer), including Phil, David, and Jesse.

I started off with a rum and coke, but that didn't last very long. One someone's initiative, we started to drunk dial people. For some reason, Matt carries around a page of phone numbers, and when he gets drunk he frequently calls people on the list to tell them to come over. David is also incredibly drunk. I go into the living room where I encounter a nice kitty. Little do I know, however, that this is really the sluttiest cat in the world. I pet the cat. However, after a little while, the cat starts getting a little too into the petting so I leave it alone. Then Phil comes into the living room, and the cat starts acting really slutty to both me and him. Have you ever seen the South Park episode where Cartman's cat goes sex-crazy and goes out and... offers herself to everything? Well, this is what Jesse's cat was doing to us. The odd thing, it was neutered. It was really disturbing.

Matt says that he bought some really shitty cigars, so we smoked them. They were really shitty, but tasted kind of sweet, which was cool. It also turns out that Caitlin smoked her first cigar. At some point, Phil and David decide to race down the block. After about ten feet, David's shorts fall off and he collapses in some people's yard. However, for some reason Phil runs the whole block. When we go back inside, David is ridiculously drunk. So drunk, in fact, that after hitting on lots of girls, he passed out on the couch. He is also shirtless. I've never seen a better opportunity to write on someone with marker. Matt and I proceed to make David beautiful by coloring him, while he encourages us to continue. At least, I think that's what the groans meant. In about an hour, David gets up and stumbles off to the bathroom. However, he doesn't quite make it, and throws up on Jesse's floor.

People started leaving, and so I drove Phil, Tom, and myself home.

I love crazy American holidays

The fourth of July is a day to celebrate our independence from Great Britain and celebrate our dependence on Southeast Asia and Mexico. Just kidding, I love Asians.

There is a party tonight, and I will be there. Details will follow tomorrow.

Why I didn't like War of the Worlds, part 2

I've been thinking about why I liked the Lord of the Rings series and not the Harry Potter series or War of the Worlds. They're all based on books which I've read, so I know what the plot of the movie is pretty well. I guess the main difference is that Lord of the Rings was magical, while Harry Potter and War of the Worlds was mundane. Allow me to explain.

War of the Worlds deals with the human world, which is in itself mundane. However, it doesn't stop there. It involves cool and complex problems - an alien invasion - but the way the problems play out is also mundane. The aliens, armed with lasers and guarded by force fields, ultimately succumb to the lamest of all killers, disease.

Harry Potter isn't magical because when it comes down to it, it involves children. When I'm reading the book, I can sort of become the character and I forget that he is a child. But in the movie it's painfully and annoying obvious. Kids aren't cool.

Lord of the Rings is awesome because everyone in the movie is a badass. Even Wormwood (is that even his name?), the guy who corrupts the King of Rohan, is a badass pussy. We should have more movies with badasses.

War of the Worlds

Now that I think about it, the aliens dying of disease is the most anti-climactic ending ever. Also, the scene where Tom Cruise sees the earth covered in blood was funny. A lot of the death in the movie was funny, actually.

I didn't really like this movie. Every scene on its own is good, the acting is good, but altogether it just doesn't make a good movie. There should have at least been a sex scene between Tom Cruise and some other refugee. That would have been hot.