Today is a day to feel stupid

Charles and I both got coupons for a free twenty minute massage from this one place in Belmont. Now, this is a pretty good deal because that’s like a $20 value. However, Charles couldn’t go, and I didn’t want to go alone, and NO ONE (literally, no one) wanted to go. A free massage! I was very surprised. I ended up not going and simply eating at Burton-Judson. It was nice, though; they had prime rib as opposed to the usual nasty beef that they serve.

I felt stupid in two of my classes today. In my Legal Reasoning class, it seemed like everyone had not only done the reading but had also read the earlier opinions of the case (before it got to the Court of Appeals) and the opinions of some of the cases mentioned in the reading. I’m going to have to do a lot more work for that class. In my Power class, I confused John Stuart Mill with Adam Smith. Fortunately I caught myself in time and excused myself for being stupid, but it was still really embarrassing. Then, I volunteered to read a paragraph and made like ten mistakes while reading. I felt like the second grader who doesn’t know how to read.

Lacking in transitions

My history textbook is pretty lacking in transitions. The author goes from talking about pottery to starting a paragraph with the phrase “the monumental temple.” Fortunately the material is fairly interesting, so I guess I can forgive the grammatical inadequacies.

Today I had my econ class. Last quarter, my professor’s first class was PACKED. At least fifteen people came to him with pink slips so that he would let them into his class, which he did, even though it was already full. Today, it was as if there was a plague; there was only one pink slip and many empty seats in the classroom. Guess they couldn’t stand the heat.

We had two first years have dinner with us. Maybe we could make it a regular thing to invite other people to eat with us. It seems like it would be a nice thing to do.

First day!

My classes this quarter are pretty sweet. First of all, they’re all taught by professors, as opposed to graduate students, which I see as a major plus, because professors are much better teachers than graduate students. Also, there are not that many first years in my classes, which is good because that would mean that I was stupid or behind in some way. The only bad thing is that I have a 9:30 am class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Fortunately, I know two people in the class so there’ll be someone I can study with.

I somehow met up with Bryant and Charles in a computer lab in the Reg (the main campus library), and we decided to cook dinner for ourselves. It was fantastic: French bread to dip into a mixture of sesame seed oil and olive oil, spaghetti with a shrimp sauce, and a bottle of wine. Much better than anything we would ever eat at Burton-Judson.

I forgot to mention – last night, we went to a free concert by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in Millennium Park. They were amazing – they played one Mozart piece and four Ravel pieces. Did I mention that it was free?

We’re out of booze

The first year (primoris annus) is commonly found in residence halls around the my university. Its eating habits include eating dining hall food or latching onto an upperclassman for nourishment. They seem so sweet and innocent, but really, they’re little alcohol consuming tornadoes.

Last night, like most Saturday nights in my dorm, was a good night. We had a surprise birthday party for a girl who didn’t show up, but it was still a good time. The food was delicious and everyone had a lot of fun. For some reason, we transferred all of our alcohol to the room that the birthday party was instead of just moving to our room. The problem is that the birthday party room is twenty feet away from the RH’s apartment, so if we’re loud, they will get mad and close down the party. This is what happened when more people started arriving, so we had to relocate to our room.

The booze casualties: around two liters of vodka, one liter of tequila, 500 milliliters of Kahlua, 4 Negro Modelos, and some Bailey’s. It was the first time that I had gotten really drunk in about six months. At some point of the night, for a reason that I do not remember, I started kicking a plastic storage box. I must have been angry. Later, this guy named Marcus started hitting on a girl named Camilla. She’s Russian, and she asked me to help her (in Russian) since he wasn’t picking up on any of her signals that she didn’t want to hook up with him. So I invited him to take a shot with me. I’m a hero.

MSI Night

The Museum of Science and Industry was pretty sweet. They have a new exhibit – the U505, the U-boat captured by the allied forces during World War II. We also saw Journey into Amazing Caves; an IMAX movie which was pretty cool (and, as you can probably figure out, about caves). The thing about caves, though, is that they’re not really that active. Maybe it would have been better if the IMAX movie was about blowing shit up with huge missiles. Oh well – there’s always next year.

Most of the second years came back yesterday, including Bryant, Emily, Janet, and Sarah. We all met up in our room and started to party. Afterwards, we went to campus and two parties – Phi Delt and Alpha Delt. Alpha Delt was completely empty and Phi Delta was completely full, which is odd because Alpha Delt has better drinks and music than Phi Delt. Silly first years, not knowing the better parties.

The IMAX movie said that diving in caves was one of the most dangerous things to do. However, I can easily think of more dangerous things to do, like shooting yourself in the head or walking into Central Park at midnight while flashing the gang sign for the Bloods or the Crypts. Any other ideas?

Saddened by the world

Observe the cell phone. Next to it lays the pillow which had covered it. Now, why would you hide your cell phone from your roommate? Perhaps you do not wish for him to find it. However, why leave the cell phone in your room in the first place? Who would call you after midnight? Most likely those who are closest to you… but why would you not want to talk to them? Perhaps because you are doing something that they would disapprove of?

One of the first years on our floor swallowed the thing that you open a can of soda with. Fortunately, he didn’t have to go to the ER. It was actually the first time I had ever seen my RH’s run somewhere. This simply reassured me that my RH’s are fucking awesome and the first years are fucking stupid.

Franz Ferdinand

Okay, let me explain the shout-out. Kate was on duty for the first time and apparently she was really nervous about it so she just chilled with us. I went to sleep at four, but Charles tells me that he went to sleep at seven… crazy people. So anyway, last night I realized that I had forgotten to update my blog, so I ran over to my computer to update it. This was in the middle of a conversation with Charles and Kate, so they were a little surprised. But come on, updating my blog is an important job.

I went to a Franz Ferdinand concert yesterday – my first concert. To be short, it was fantastic. The opening bands were Cut Copy and Pretty Girls Make Graves. Cut Copy was decent, but Pretty Girls Make Graves simply sucked. Then, Franz Ferdinand came on and stole the show. They played a lot of their old songs and some new ones. They had a sweet light show and sounded simply amazing. I was in the front row, and by the time the concert ended I was exhausted and simply drenched with sweat.

We came home and chilled in the room for a while. At around 2:00 am, some first years started banging on doors and inviting people to smoke pot with them. They need to realize that waking people up in the middle of the night is not a cool thing to do. Also, they need to learn the most important thing about rule breaking – if you want to do something illegal, do it in your freaking room.

Last night

… Was pretty excellent. My parents brought over all of my stuff, finally, and they were also nice enough to unpack me. So I know have nothing to do during O week except for chilling, which is what I am doing.

For the house trip, we went on a boat tour. However, this was not as cool as the boat tour last year, since the top of the boat was almost completely full. I was not one of the lucky few who got seats on the top, so I got to see all of none of the buildings. It’s hard to see skyscrapers when there’s a roof over your head. Afterwards, Charles, Jared, and I took a group of the first years to Chinatown. This was a lot of fun, even though we didn’t find the restaurant that we were looking for to begin with. Also, it turned out that two of the people in our group were fluent in Chinese, and as far as I can tell, they really enjoyed it.

When we got home, of course, it was time to party. We’re not allowed to include the first years yet, but that time will come sooner or later. Jared, Chris, Charles and I drank in our bedroom and acted crazy. From what I can remember, apparently Charles tossed something to Jared, who not only completely failed to catch it but also got hit by it in the balls. I didn’t stop laughing for at least ten minutes.

Shout out to Charles and Kate.

Completely exhausted

I worked from 7:45 to 3:00, with a 30 minute lunch break, loading people and their shit into elevators. It was exhausting work, since I frequently had to lift boxes that were heavier than 50 pounds. So I think I’m going to be in pain tomorrow, since I haven’t really been working out this summer. But it’s a good thing; maybe I won’t hurt as much when I start going to the Ratner Athletic Center regularly.

I haven’t really met any first years yet, except really quickly on the elevator. Some girl gave me a lollipop, which was really nice of her. I feel sort of bad that I instantly forgot her name. Girl who gave me a lollipop in the elevator: if you read this, you should tell me your name.

After my lunch break, I brought up lunches for the three people who were welcoming all of the first years onto our floor. Kate, the RA, knows a LOT about me. I wonder if my RH’s just told her everything that I did last year. It would have probably taken them all week…

All done… painting the floor

The first year students arrive tomorrow (or today, depending on how you think about it). I’m very excited. I’m working as an elevator operator – in my opinion, the cushiest job, because all I have to do is smile at people, make elevator small talk, and press buttons. My parents arrive later that evening, bringing the rest of my stuff. And after the house meeting, during which I have to explain about how one can travel around Chicago, I have very few obligations for the following week except to hang out with the first year students. But that will be enjoyable.

I watched the worst movie ever today – Soul Survivors. It was supposed to be a horror movie, but I spent most of the time laughing at the bad acting and faux suspense scenes. Character development was fairly horrible, since none of the characters said more than two sentences for the first twenty minutes of the movie. Also, the beginning of the movie had absolutely nothing to do with the ending. The first scene was completely random. Finally, all of the chase scenes were accompanied with techno music, which did not fit them at all. It was so bad, I couldn’t help laughing.

Done with training!

I woke up at an ungodly time (7:15), but it was worth it, because I’m done with all of my training. Fortunately, the lectures today weren’t that bad (although a little boring), and I heard nothing about how we live in a “just” and “caring” community and what that means.

Spent basically all afternoon painting our floor (dorm-wise). It looks fantastic! I’ll post a picture of it sometime. The only thing that I find sort of frustrating is that one person is getting credit for doing everything, when really five people have been working on the floor consistently. Likewise, she’s getting credit for all of the ideas, the majority of which did not come from her.

I met a first year who lives on my floor today. He was pretty cool. I’m looking forward to meeting all of them and helping them start to really enjoy living in my dorm and Chicago. Perhaps this means drastic measures that may involve substances that aren’t permitted during O-Week. But really, I like to think of those rules merely as guidelines.

Negligence

I’ve been negligent; I apologize. On Monday I spent all day packing my stuff so that my parents won’t have to pack very much when they drive it down on Saturday. Yesterday, I moved in with Charles, my roommate, and spent the day taking our stuff down from storage and hanging out with our RH’s, the RA, and the O-Aides. Don’t worry, by the time you’ll finish reading this sentence, you’ll either have forgiven me or simply don’t care.

Today was a fairly tiring day. I had to wake up at 8:00 to go to orientation training. Lunch was pretty nice – we had a BBQ catering service feed us. Afterwards, we played the most defensive capture the flag game that I’ve ever played. When you’re little, you just run at the flag until you’re in jail or you’ve got the flag. When you go to my crazy school, you plan out your path very carefully, while standing on your side so that you’ll be ready to stop anyone that crosses over. Nobody touched the other team’s flag and it was sort of a stalemate. The game ended when some kid hurt his leg.

The worst part came when we had to go to three hours of absolutely useless training lectures. The first one basically informed us that we had to give a presentation on transportation for forty minutes. In the second, we learned about working as a group, which I remember learning in kindergarten – times haven’t changed. In the third, we learned nothing about diversity, because everything that they said was blatantly obvious. The last one was the only useful one, since we learned useful tips about holding a discussion with a large group of people. I’m dreading getting up at 7:15 tomorrow and going to yet more training lectures.

24 hours is a long time

So, I’m home. It’s good to be back. Flying was a pain, especially towards the end, when I had a horrible headache due to the changes in pressure that my body didn’t keep up with. On the bright side, I learned some interesting things today. For example, Detroit International Airport doesn’t have a gate number thirteen. I also met a really cool lady on the flight from France to Detroit, which was sweet since it made the flight less boring.

Detroit was slightly disappointing. My flight was delayed an hour, which sucked. I also saw some retarded parents who painted the toenails of their three or four year old daughter. I just don’t get what the point of doing that is. On my second flight, I had the good fortune of sitting who were talking about current events. They were too loud and stupid, and preventing my sleep. Oh well, at least their conversation was amusing.

Victory is mine!

I spent the day walking around Paris and finally found Shakespeare and Company. It’s a pretty sweet bookstore. It’s really cozy; books are everywhere. It sort of reminds me of the my schools' Seminary Co-op. Also, there are cool quotes all over the place. My favorite was “Be kind to strangers, for you never know when they might be angels in disguise.”

Some dude on the second floor was typing something on a typewriter. He was doing it in a fairly public place, so people would come into his room and ask him what he was doing all the time. I think he spent more time explaining that he was writing a book and making pleasant conversation than actually typing; I heard him type one sentence during the hour and a half that I was there. As for myself, I grabbed a copy of the latest Harry Potter and sat down to read. I love British fiction.

Evacuate! Evacuate!

My trip to Paris today was pretty uneventful at first. I’m a House O-Aide, which means that I get to completely redecorate my floor (sort of cool) and meet the first years early (super cool). Since our theme this year is going to be “European Café,” I volunteered to take pictures of real European cafés, as well as get some cool Parisian postcards to hang up on our floor. Mission accomplished on both counts.

The fun started when I went to take the train home. They have electronic monitors that tell you when the train is approaching. When the train started approaching, I stood up and noticed that the entire platform was almost empty except for a bunch of policemen who were herding the rest of the people off of it. They told us that in order to get on the train, we had to go to a different platform. However, the station isn’t organized by platforms – it’s organized by where the train is going. I had no idea where said platform was. And since I’m a man, I would NEVER ask for directions. By sheer chance, I managed to wander onto the right platform just as my train was pulling up. Sadly, I never found out why they evacuated my platform… crazy Frenchies.

Oh no! Mimes!

I never got the point of mimes. They’re people that get paid for dressing up in a costume and standing really still all day. What kind of skill is being able to stand still? The only people who wouldn’t be qualified for this sort of labor would be someone with Parkinson’s.

Our good friends at Harvard have discovered a way of making painkiller abuse more difficult. They’re adding red hot chili peppers so that the only safe way of taking the painkillers would be orally. No word yet on whether they plan to use “By the Way” or “Californication.”

The eternal pothead

Sleeping two hours the night before last was a bad idea. Last night, I went to sleep at five and woke up at seven. Fourteen hours. So, I don’t really have much to say since I slept through most of the day.

Apparently a man is being charged with price gauging for charging $7 for a gallon of gas. If convicted, he will be charged $1,000. Now, let’s take the price that he paid for the gas to be $3 (it’s probably less, but whatever). He made $4 on every gallon of gas sold. In order to cover the fine, he had to sell 250 gallons. Let’s say that people were stupid and filled up at his station anyway, with an average car getting 10 gallons of gas. I fail to see how this law is at all a disincentive, considering that all he needs is 25 customers to cover the fine.

This is Yellowstone’s biggest petrified tree. The fence is there because they’re afraid that it’s going to run away. Why would it run away? It's stoned all the time.

But I am le tired!

Flew back to Paris from Barcelona today and didn't get very much sleep. If you want to know where the title of this post came from, check this out.

This is a picture of a bison in Yellowstone National Park. You can't see it in the picture, but there are roughly one hundred cars behind the bison, which is traveling at roughly one half of a mile per hour. It was very amusing to see all those cars stopped by a single lazy bison.

Pink shirt, baby

I am now the proud owner of a pink shirt. This puts me in a whole new level of being cool. I’ll now be competing with other people with pink shirts for the next level – picking up chicks while wearing aforementioned pink shirt. Also, aforementioned is a sweet word.

I had the rudest waiter ever today. After we had paid for our meal, he literally demanded a tip. We were going to tip him before he asked for it, but after he asked we showed reluctance (it’s not like he deserved one – the service was crappy). When he saw this, he brought us some of his shitty restaurant cards that had an old photo of the restaurant on it, and demanded a tip again. We ended up giving him around two euros (which is, again, a fairly large tip by Barcelona standards) and he thanked us profusely. But I felt nasty from the whole ordeal. We probably would have tipped him around the same amount anyway, but asking for a tip is just wrong.

Sagrada Familia

The cathedral is simply amazing, and it’s not even finished. It’s enormous; the ceiling is the tallest I’ve ever seen on any building. This was my second time visiting; the first was around ten years ago. I remember that I climbed up, and, upon looking down, started to cry (I’m afraid of heights) and didn’t stop until I had crawled all the way down. This time was better, but I was definitely really scared for most of the time.

So, Rehnquist is dead. O’Connor is resigning. All that’s left is for Breyer and Ginsburg to be hit by a meteorite and social progress in the US will stop for a while. Maybe it would be better if Rehnquist sat out his term anyway.

Have you heard of the Milkshake Murder? A woman put sedatives in her husband’s milkshake and then beat him to death with a baseball bat. Why? Apparently he frequently sodomized her and was going to divorce her for cheating on him with a repairman who lived in a trailer park. It’s like something out of Jerry Springer.

As a final note, I’m adding word verification in order to leave comments. Sorry for the inconvenience, but hopefully it’ll eliminate the comment spam.

Gaudí

Today, I saw two of Gaudí’s houses; Casa Batlló, the House of Bones, and Casa Milà, or as it is lovingly called, the Cave. Now, I have to admit, Gaudí is pretty sweet. His architectural style is among the most unique that I’ve ever seen and I enjoy touring his buildings. But the Spanish are crazy about him. The audio tour thingy frequently referred to him as “the most brilliant genius that ever lived.” This was usually preceded by “look at these amazing arches and how efficient they are. Gaudí is clearly…” Arches are sweet and he was way ahead of his time, but the most brilliant genius ever? Seriously, people. It must be because Spain has no other serious accomplishments to show to the world. Although tapas bars are excellent.

I can’t help feeling that I would probably have more fun here if I wasn’t with my grandparents. But I guess that this trip is more about me spending time with my grandparents, and I’m still enjoying it a lot. Besides, I’m sacrificing a little bit of my enjoyment for (hopefully) their enjoyment at spending time with me. Also – if you’ve been to Paris, advice on cool places to go (sightseeing or otherwise) would be appreciated.

This is why America is a better country than France

So I’m sitting in the Orly airport, drinking my $4 bottle of lemon-flavored Fanta, and I want to connect to the Internet. Of course, they have wireless internet, and of course, it’s ridiculously expensive – all day in the US costs $6, 30 minutes in France costs $10. But I’d even be willing to pay if the thing would take my money. Maybe it just doesn’t like Americans using precious French bandwidth. It’s always the little things.

On our way here, some guy on the train noticed my sweatshirt and told me that he went to business school there in ’73. That seriously made my day. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting on a train going on some important business trip and some young kid will sit down across from me with a sweatshirt from my university and I’ll tell him that I went to school there.

Jet lag

Holy crap. I go to sleep at 2:00 am, and wake up at 5:00 pm. Hopefully this will stop soon.

So, it seems that New Orleans has gone to hell. Looters are shooting at rescuers, and there aren’t even enough rescuers. I have a few ideas to aid the rescue process.

• Stop the rescue process, but keep it going at the same time! Don’t actually save any people from New Orleans; they’re all poor or black anyway. However, continue to loop footage of people being taken out of the city. That way, the stranded people will get hope from the footage and the rescuers will all get promotions! Everybody wins!
• There’s currently a huge looting problem in New Orleans. But really, that’s just because we see it as a problem. Call all the people looting in New Orleans “finders.” That way, the finders-keepers rule applies! Sure, they may have found the plasma TV by breaking into the locked store. But they didn’t loot it, they found it!
• The people stranded in New Orleans are out of food and water. Out of food and water, you say? How can they be out of water if it’s twenty feet high in the streets? Sure, there may be dead people floating in it, but they died of happiness! Besides, hasn’t anybody ever heard of cannibalism? Won’t they feel stupid when they realize that they had food and water all along!
• Have Bush go on TV and announce that the mission of saving New Orleans has been accomplished. If it worked in Iraq, it’s bound to work here!